The Two Ways We Grief

Grieving styles exist along a spectrum – at one end are intuitive grievers, and at the other are instrumental grievers. Unsurprisingly, most persons who are traveling through a time of grief are mixtures of both. Intuitive grievers are heart grievers, and instrumental grievers are head grievers.

Instrumental grievers grieve primarily cognitively and physically. Expressing grief through activity, projects, and tasks associated with their loss is common. For head grievers, practical, “real-world” education regarding adjustment to loss is helpful, as are developing ways to memorialize the loss. Instrumental grievers readjust rapidly, and make efforts to return quickly to normal routines

Intuitive grievers mainly grieve emotionally. Heart grievers more often express and verbalize their feelings of grief. Intuitive grievers take more time to grieve, to explore and share feelings. For them, connecting and sharing with others is an important part of their journey toward healing and wholeness.

It’s important to note that no one is 100% instrumental or 100% intuitive. Everyone will be a mix of both, and neither grief style is more right or wrong than the other.

Know that we continue to pray for and think about you, and all of your loved ones. We hope you will find this to be encouraging and helpful to you. If you would like to speak to someone personally, please do not hesitate to contact our Bereavement Coordinator, Thomas Schwartz. He can be reached at 918-994-4807. God bless and keep you!